Self Reflection at Age 78

This is another blog where I am doing some self reflection. It is not something everyone needs to read or is even interested in. It is a blog so my friends and family can understand me just a little more.

 Who is this person I have become? Some days I don't even recognize her. Maybe that is what becoming "mature" means. I am almost 79 years old. I actually am starting to like myself. It took me a little longer than most people, but I have arrived or at least getting close. Experiences along my path have brought me here, and I like it. I am often underestimated and that used to bother me. I would be very self deprecating, but today I will just say thank you. I would often do that to make others feel better, but it backfired most of the time. 

When I was born and only two weeks old, I developed pneumonia. They say my fever was 108 degrees. I am not sure that was true, but this was the dark ages and equipment was probably not that precise. Anyway, I was rushed to the hospital by the doctor who came to the house and with his own car took me there. That would never happen in this day and age. He had been to a seminar on a new drug called Penicillin. They gave me an adult dose and I lived. My parents were so happy, they protected me from that point forward until I left home. It was out of love, but I wasn't allowed to do things other kids could do. If it made me uncomfortable, I didn't have to do it. I never learned to fall and get up, dust myself off and continue on. It sounds like I was spoiled. I was not. I had to follow the rules. Kids were seen and not heard, we couldn't embarrass anyone or really say what we thought.

I started out in college wanting to be a teacher, but decided that wasn't for me. My parents let me switch. The degree I eventually got wasn't worth anything. Who cares if you can speedwrite, type or conjugate verbs. My mom did a lot of the talking for me so I never developed social skills either. As a result, I was a late bloomer. In defense of my mom, she lost her mom when she was 13 and had to live in a rooming house for high school and grow up fast. She thought she could protect me from all of the hardship she endured. What was meant to be love was a detriment. 

I didn't think it would take me this long to find myself and it was a long process. Just getting married at almost 21 was wonderful. It forced me to do adult things, have babies and become closer to my true self.  My husband started out taking care of most things like phone calls, house repairs, buying the cars etc. but  gradually I took over the household budget, school stuff, doctor appointments and adult things. I always hated calling people but I did it. I probably sounded like an idiot at times, but I did it. Maybe that's the plan. I have now bought a car, I have to make all the phone calls and arrange for everything. Life teaches us things even if we don't want to learn.

I never wanted my daughters to feel like I did, so I made sure they would be involved in activities, have friends and succeed. I made them competitive in subtle ways. Every night when they were little we would race to see who could get their pajamas on first. It was a game and I always won. They thought I was a magician because no matter how hard they would try, I won. It was a fun memory they both remember to this day. I would have them call for pizza, go get ice from the ice machine in a hotel and be in charge of their own activities. I was supportive for whatever (or mostly) they chose, but they did it themselves. If they wanted to be in all the sports or student council or a class officer, we supported them. Of course all kids are different. My daughter tried these games with her kids and it didn't work. They weren't going to play the pajama game. They thought it was so dumb. My girls were raised before technology changed everything. We were all a little naive and that was a wonderful time to raise kids and for them to grow up. 

Before phones my daughter would read by the light of her fish tank. I wondered why she wanted a fish tank so bad. It was part of her plan to read late into the night. They made stilts out of an old ladder to a bunk bed. They skated in the street and built forts in the back yard. They hardly watched TV and played outside for hours. None of the kids were overweight. They might come in for a brief snack but never hunkered down in their rooms. 

Now I am in the final chapters of my life. I am grateful I lived a long life. I have a lot more I want to do. I will as long as I am given the opportunity and my health stays good. I have learned that people either like me or they don't. That isn't my problem anymore. I like me. Others have their own demons or at the very least deep ideas and emotions to overcome. I can't do that for them. Since I live a quiet life, my intuition is pretty darn good. I forgive almost anything because dwelling on it only poisons me, and I am not the one who made the miscue. This is a hard one, but I don't dwell on all this negative thinking either. I just can't. If someone acts inappropriate, they are the one looking bad. Sometimes people don't even know they are hurting your feelings or they make a decision they think will be helpful, but it's taken all wrong. Misinterpretation is a huge problem and the cause of all sorts of feuds. Keep your mouth shut if it isn't kind or helpful and let others figure it out. As Popeye would say "I yam what I yam and dats all that I yam.” I think it's a good place to be.

August 24th, My Day to Remember

Today would have been my 58th wedding anniversary. It's a day I will always remember. We were so young and not very worldly, but life is a journey and we managed just fine. We can't change anything, but we can learn to live with it. I learned something important along the way. From 1968 until 2021 was my book of life. It was a great book. There were some wonderful chapters and some sad times. I am very happy my book was written during this time frame. It was without all the outside influences the young people of today have to face. Granted they have a smaller world that we had no idea about, but we weren't constantly on the treadmill of life. It was a sweet and calmer time.

Now I am in my sequel. It is a much different life book from the first one we wrote. Five years ago it began and has been a little slow at getting to the good part. I have met people who are on their own journeys and are writing their own books of life. I have found that some who lost their long time spouse jump back in before they are ready. These people haven't grieved and are constantly searching for their old life back. Others hide the rest of their life, but most try to establish a new normal. The old book of life can be taken out and read occasionally. A new book can't replace this book, but it can be a good book. I was under the assumption that this new book would be a calm and an easy read. Nothing is further from the truth. I still have to work through stuff everyday. Some people are lucky enough to find another friend or partner to navigate life's challenges, while others are on their own. Either way it's all good. 

I had to buy a refrigerator recently, get an oil change, find people to help me out with some homeowner challenges and hope every decision I make doesn't create more problems. Those are things none of us can predict. Some days I am very sad and lonely and other days I am so grateful for the life my first book provided. 

How my sequel ends is a mystery. It may be a short book or long and interesting. Some of that is up to me and some depends on who or what shows up to my story.  My challenge is to remain engaged and not revert to my chair and the television. My needs are simple, but I still have to remain inquisitive about the world around me. 

Baked Cheezy Crackers

 

Today I was hungry for cheese crackers. I like Cheez-it's, but I rarely buy them. I don't like that they use bad vegetable oils like palm, soybean or canola oil. The rest of the ingredients aren't too bad, but homemade is usually healthier.

I didn't feel like going to the store either. I had all the ingredients necessary to make them and so I did. I also have a small food processor with a glass bowl. As you know I eliminate plastic when I can. I used this processor for the peanut butter I recently made. https://www.thecabincountess.com/2026/07/lets-make-some-peanut-butter.html

In my food processor I added:

1 6 oz. package of shredded Swiss cheese. It is about 1 1/2 cups if you shred the cheese yourself. You can use cheddar or any shredded cheese. 

1 cup flour

1 1/2 t. cornstarch

1/4 t. salt

Mix these ingredients for 30 seconds and then add the cold butter 

6 T. cold butter cut in 6 pieces

Mix for another 30 seconds until the mixture looks like wet sand. Add 2 T. cold water and mix until it clumps and begins to form a ball. 

Chill the dough for 45 minutes and it's ready to roll out. I didn't chill it and I couldn't roll the dough as thin as I would have liked. Chilling the dough makes it easier to roll the dough a little thinner and removing the pieces onto the baking sheet. This dough is very manageable and not sticky.

 Next cut into the size squares you are comfortable with. I used a knife and cut the squares about an inch. With a toothpick I put a hole in each piece. 

 

 

Place each piece on a cookie sheet. Some of the shapes aren't perfect but good enough. It's a little time consuming but not as much time as running to the grocery store and much healthier.

 

 Now bake at 350 degrees until brown. These took about 25 minutes. I used white cheese so they didn't get as brown as they would have with cheddar cheese. They were a little thicker than I wanted so I baked them an extra five minutes to get them crunchy.

 

The next day some of the crackers were a bit soft so I put them back into the oven to crisp them up a little more. Now they are perfect and taste so cheesy. 

Toe-Up Knitted Socks with Worsted Yarn

I can't believe after writing 982 blogs in the past 14 years, I haven't included the knitted socks I make. I wrote the pattern for a Christmas stocking (https://www.thecabincountess.com/2013/10/my-basic-pattern-for-knitting-christmas.html) and I wrote about the Christmas stockings for my daughter ( https://www.thecabincountess.com/2014/12/pipers-new-christmas-stocking.html), but not the heavy winter socks I make. I have made so many, I have lost count.

When I took the nine day bus trip to Maine in October of 2022 (https://www.thecabincountess.com/2022/10/my-nine-day-bus-trip-to-coastal-maine.html) , I took along knitting to occupy time during the long travel time. This trip was wonderful. It was a year after Mike died, and we had always wanted to take that trip. Of course it was bittersweet and nine days was a bit too long to travel alone, but I am so glad I went. I wish I were brave enough to drive myself because there are a lot of places I would still enjoy visiting but alas, I will be 79 years old soon and my family thinks that's too risky. They are probably right. Most of the time I feel younger than I am. On that trip to Maine, I gave our trip coordinator a pair of socks. Two years ago I surprised him with another pair on a shorter trip I took to Shipshewana, Indiana. https://www.thecabincountess.com/2024/10/my-bus-trip-to-shipshewana-indiana.html

Last year he asked me to make another pair and a couple weeks ago he wanted another pair. I am glad he likes them. I make them with leftover yarn so it just takes my time. 

There are several patterns for socks everywhere but this is the one I use all the time. It is through KnitFreedom.com. This website has a lot of free patterns. The one I use is called Beginner Toe-Up Socks with a Fleegle Heel. I will include the link but if it won't open, just go to the KnitFreedom.com website and type Toe-up Worsted socks in the search box. https://www.knitfreedom.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/KnitFreedom_Pattern_Generic_Toe-UpSocksFleegleHeel_AnyWeightSize_V1.4.pdf 

They also have patterns for hats, scarves, pillows, purses and several other things.  

Here are the ones I made recently. I misjudged the yarn I had for the green pair so the cuff section is shorter. He uses them to sleep so it should be just fine. 

Geocaching Revisited

In 2006 we began Geocaching. My daughter had heard about it and we thought it sounded like an inexpensive and fun activity. It was fun and included eating lunch in unknown places. We would make a day of it. I have written about it several times. There are several types of caches. There are virtual caches, earth caches, multi-caches and traditional. I won't describe it again, but if you aren't familiar with it here is the link from my first blog about it. https://www.thecabincountess.com/2013/03/geocaching-as-one-of-our-hobbies.html

Twenty years ago we would go to a lot of different places mostly around Wisconsin but where ever we would visit, we would look for at least one cache. We would hike miles into the woods just to find that special container. We even geocached in London in 2009. Yes, our London trip was in 2009. Boy time just keeps whizzing by. I can't say I like it, but we have no choice.

Since Mike's death, I rarely geocache. First of all I shouldn't walk miles alone into the woods anymore, at my age it wouldn't be smart. Nothing is fun alone, but for many reasons it is just dumb to drive around and hike alone. It probably isn't a good idea at any age. Stuff can happen from falling to encountering a large animal. 

In an attempt to get me out of the house, my daughter gave me this kit for Christmas. It's a kit with everything necessary to geocache. The kit includes a stamp for signing in and pens that write on wet paper or work upside down. It includes tools for getting into small places and of course mosquito repellent wipes. I love it. Although I took it on a recent trip to North Carolina, and I forgot it was in my carry-on. When it went through the scanner, it was dinged. They had to go through my luggage and found a small little multi-tool. This tool had a tiny blade. My teeth could do more damage than this tool, but we couldn't keep it. Fortunately there was time to take it back to the car. That is the beauty of flying out of a small airport like Appleton, WI. This kit and a phone are all the equipment I need. 

Now I am back Geocaching in a modified way. When they have time my daughter and her family will take me out. We actually went on Mother's Day. I am a simple person and that was more fun for me than a fancy brunch and a bouquet of flowers. I look for easy ones on my own. I am planning a couple easy ones after the busy weekend. During the week things are pretty quiet out in the country. In twenty years some of the caches are too tricky and hard to find. Having two sets of eyes is helpful but not always necessary. I just move on to another rather than trying to kill myself. I have found 885 caches. This year we have done 23. It's still a fun activity and it gets me out of the house. It takes me to places I am not familiar with but still safe. My sense of direction isn't what it used to be but that's what GPS's are for. I gotta keep on going and this is one way I can do that.

Easy to make Pudding

Years ago I posted about how I like pudding. I like most kinds but especially chocolate, vanilla and rice pudding. The only flavor that doesn't appeal to me is butterscotch. I don't like the pudding cups because they taste horrible to my taste buds. Though convenient, they taste like chemicals. I used to make Avocado pudding but I don't always have an avocado to use. Here is that blogpost.  https://www.thecabincountess.com/2017/08/avocado-chocolate-pudding.html

Although I make this avocado version once in a while, I usually make this microwave recipe. It is usually about 8:00pm, and I want chocolate. I will make this pudding in 10 minutes but then it is too hot to eat. I stick it in the freezer for a while until it's set and cool. It isn't as convenient as the pre-made pudding cups but it has no artificial ingredients and turns out perfect. If you want to sweeten it with honey, maple syrup or artificial sugar, I think it would turn out. I feel the strong taste of honey or maple syrup overrides the chocolate, so I use plain white sugar.

 Microwave Chocolate Pudding

Mix together in a microwave bowl or as I do, a 8-cup Pyrex pitcher.

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup cocoa powder

2 Tablespoons cornstarch

A pinch of salt

When these dry ingredients are combined add 2 cups of milk (or non-dairy milk) and a teaspoon of vanilla. Mix well. I use the immersion blender but a spoon would be fine as long as it is completely blended.

Microwave on high for 3 minutes, stir well and microwave for another 3 minutes.

Just pour in dishes and put it in the refrigerator. It is ready when it is cool. This recipe makes 3 small dishes less than 1/2 cup each, but enough for a quick snack or desert. 

Vanilla pudding is made the same way without the cocoa or last time I made it, I added two eggs. It was very good. It tasted more like custard. I also put a few chocolate chips on top for the fun of it. Whipped topping would taste good too. I haven't made it without the eggs so it may need extra cornstarch to thicken it.

Microwave Vanilla Pudding

Whisk together: 

1/2 cup white sugar

2 Tablespoons cornstarch

Pinch of salt

Add:

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 cups of milk (I used 2% but whole milk would be even better or a non-dairy product)

2 beaten eggs

Mix everything very well and microwave for 3 minutes, stir and cook 3 more minutes. 

Pour in dishes and cool.

I have written about my Rice Pudding before. There is a microwave version of that too, but I usually make this in the Instant Pot. https://www.thecabincountess.com/2013/10/rice-pudding.html 

These are simple recipes and easy to make with common ingredients. Some people don't like and won't use a microwave. These recipes will work just as well in a saucepan, you just have to stir often to prevent scorching. It is a quick snack or pour the pudding in a prepared pie shell and have a piece of pie. 

My Reverse Osmosis Water System

Sometimes in life you just do things as you always did them and never really question why. That was me and my Brita water filter pitcher. For years I would fill the pitcher and make my coffee or drink the water. At the appropriate time, usually every month, I would change the filter and think I was getting clean purified water.

One day I saw an ad for a very inexpensive water testing gadget.  It looked like a thermometer. You would put it in your water to see what numbers you get. Very clean purified water would register a low number and the higher number would indicate how contaminated the water was. 

I have well water that was supposedly clean so I tested it. It wasn't horrible or in the danger zone, but it was marginal at 215 TDS (Total Dissolved Solids). It registered in the acceptable range for tap water. I would be fine drinking it but sometimes well water has a rusty taste.  My water softener takes care of that but sometimes I can taste a hint of rust. 

I then tested the Brita water. It was no different from my plain well water, in fact it was slightly worse. It must be going from the tap and through the filter with no change. Next I thought I should test the bottled water I would drink occasionally. I don't drink it often because it comes in plastic bottles. Everyone has plastic in their systems in this day and age but I avoid it where I can. I am sure it contributes to some health problems that didn't occur before plastic bottles became the norm, but that's a discussion for another time. The bottled water registered 344 TDS. Again it won't kill you but it's not that good.

I want to mention that this water testing wasn't really very scientific. There are many ways to test water. You can call a company that specializes in water quality, you can have the state you live in test it by sending in a sample or you can get an idea the way I did. 

At this point I was on a mission to find a water filtration system that didn't involve hiring a plumber and the expense of a whole house filter. The least technical, the less chance of something leaking or going wrong, and it was portable. There are many systems on the market. There are all sizes and all of them claim to be the best. Some are fancy and look beautiful but take up a lot of room. Some look very industrial but were also too large for me. I settled on a Bluevua lite system. It is not a water filtration system, it is a UV Reverse Osmosis water purifier. I liked that it had a glass pitcher, it had a UV light for more purification, you could add a remineralization filter for better taste and you just plug it into a normal outlet.  This lite version is small enough to fit on the kitchen counter and it provides plenty of water for me. The container is 40 ounces. If you need more water, you just push a button and it dispenses another container in a couple of minutes. 

I did test the water from my reverse osmosis system. The machine said it was only 12 TDS but the tester said it was 42 TDS. That is still really good and when I washed the equipment it was even better.  I like it below 30 TDS, but the number isn't exact and it varies slightly day to day.

This Reverse Osmosis system eliminates PFA's and other dangerous chemicals hidden in our water. The Brita filters cost about $7 per filter times 12. This filter cost $80 and it lasts a year. That isn't a great deal of difference cost wise but the water quality is so much better. Don't take my word for it. I don't get paid for these blogs. They are just my experiences so look it up yourself. I probably won't live any longer, but I have to try for better options wherever I can.